So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
