he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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