i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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