So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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