remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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