sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
