walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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