I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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