Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize