I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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