I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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