He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
