Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
