when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
