You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
