You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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