and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
