oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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