i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
