Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
