Dual....:-)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
