Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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