Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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