She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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