Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW