It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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