Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
