ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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