after a month anything with tits is on the radar
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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