i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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