my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
