Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
