we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
