When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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