all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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