you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
