the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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