shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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