a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
