he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
