the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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