Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
