Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
