Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
