my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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