i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
