So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
