he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's shark week go big or go home
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
