we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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