I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
