my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
