if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
