You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize