I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
