No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
