She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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