Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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