Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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