Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My vagina is officially offended.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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