I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
