New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
