I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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