My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize