It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
