"it" just moved
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
