I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
