So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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