I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
