There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
